I'll be frank on this one. I think vows, conceived as promises, hold a facile (and fragile) beauty purely because they masquerade as the virtuous by dint of being the impossible. When you read the standard vows available on the internet, which most couples will first Google in an attempt to work out what they are meant to be doing, they strike me as promises almost deliberately designed to be broken. Said in front of our families and friends, during the commitment meant to define our life's direction from that moment on (at least in relation terms), such vows seem so noble, so lofty and yet, if we we're taken them, and ourselves, seriously we probably wouldn't let them pass our lips.
When you try something new, I will support you.
Taken seriously, this is terrible idea?
I will join you on every adventure.
But why?
Together, I promise we will never have to do anything alone.
Again, this does not sound like a recipe for growth.
I will always water the plants.
I will bet you the cost of your wedding you won't.
When asked, I've started to encourage clients to see vows not as sacred oaths never to be broken but as guidance to be lived by. They should be easy to remember. Personally, I'd avoid concrete behaviours (I regret telling my wife I would never watch a shared box set without her; it appears now that was a lie- an odious lie.)
Finally, they should be about things you can control. And this is the interesting part: what can we control in our relationship? Probably less than we think. Taking our vows seriously (not the same thing as only making serious vows) invites a meaningful reflection on what partnership can do and what it can't. That is a deeply worthwhile task.